


After Six Months and Napoleon

by batterwitch_dumb_basses



Series: Six Months [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coffee Shops, Multi, dave no you have to work, getting the bae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterwitch_dumb_basses/pseuds/batterwitch_dumb_basses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux tells Karkat and realises something...something bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Six Months and Napoleon

Sollux peered over at the red faced boy in front of him. “Oh, you finally athked DV out? Awethomethauthe.” He smirked as Karkat glared at him hotly over his mocha.  
“Shut up! We just agreed to go see a movie! Anyway, it’s not like you are faring any better with your love life, is it?” Karkat spat at him, before taking note of Sollux’s wide smirk as the skinnier boy sipped carefully at his latte, the grin getting wider and wider.  
“Oh God. Oh, God, you actually conned some poor sap into a relationship with you, didn’t you? And of course you didn’t tell me until you could gloat about it. Well, fuck you. May you shit a rib, Sollux Captor. May my eternal ‘fuck you’ hang over you for the rest of your days like a glittering shitty prize banner.” He took a gulp of his drink, and rolled his eyes. “So?” he demanded.  
“Well, you know the cute floritht on Riverway Street?” Sollux said nonchalantly. “He’th my bae now.”  
Karkat shot him a look of shock, before facepalming with the hand not holding his mocha. “Never say that word again if you value your continued existence without a broken nose. Bae? What are you, a valley girl?” He raised his eyebrows. “So, you’re playing around with him? Harsh.”  
Sollux looked down at his latte affectionately. Coffee on a morning was always uplifting. “I’m not playing around, KK. I really….I thpent thickth monthth trying to get him to realithe I wath athking him out…” He flushed a little at the memory of all his failed attempts to try and get Eridan to realise that he liked him, and the memory of Eridan’s gorgeous eyes widening a little every time he walked into the shop. He probably should have realised the flaw in his plan sooner, but at the time it had seemed a good plan.  
Karkat’s jaw dropped. “You’re serious? Six months? Fuck, now I really do have to meet him. Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair.  
Sollux snickered. “Oh, KK. You’re the betht mom ever, meeting my boyfriend to make thure he doethn’t break my heart. You’re gonna cry necktht.” He watched Karkat turn red, cackling into his latte.  
“GODDAMMIT, CAPTOR, YOU CALL ME YOUR SHITTY MOTHER ONE MORE TIME AND SO HELP ME I SWEAR TO—“  
Dave, walking by in his barista uniform with the nametag that read ‘Sailor Strider’, reached over to wrap an arm around Karkat and pull him over so his chin was on top of Karkat’s, his hand over the boy’s mouth, until the muffled shouting stopped and turned into grumbling.  
“Sup babe. Sup Sollux.” He grinned as Karkat struggled, before leaning to kiss his cheek. “What’s up in the world of the wooing?” he asked Sollux, who smirked again.  
“Target fucking acquired, you and me both.” He reached out to high-five Dave, while Karkat stared between the two of them incredulously.  
“You knew about this? You actually fucking knew about this? You’re a dick for not telling me!” He swatted at Dave, who ducked and grinned, shaking his head.  
“Nah, I’m smart. You’d have taken advantage of Sollux’s desperation and made him re-enact your favourite rom-com scenes. Besides, it was totally a rom-com scene anyway, Karkitten. He went in every week to buy flowers to show he liked him, and finally told him after six months. Ain’t that sweet?”  
Sollux went red while Karkat began to snigger. “DV, you’re an inthufferable prick, you know that? Anyhow, it worked, didn’t it?”  
Dave shook with laughter. “Yeah, after you explained what you’d been doing to him! Honestly, dude, you’re hilarious. It’s kinda romantic, but shit, you didn’t see the flaw?”  
Sollux opened his mouth to retort, before frowning. “How’d you know I did that?” he asked, causing Dave to grin widely.  
“I have my sources, Sollux. They are very snarky sources, and a little bit too into certain mythology sets for them to be considered anything other than really fuckin’ creepy—Ow! Hey, hey, hey, not cool, Maryam! Let go of my ear!” Dave struggled as Porrim, the head barista, started dragging him away with a glare.  
“You’ve got work to do, Davey,” she snapped, and he clutched at his chest, reaching a hand out to Karkat.  
“But you’re tearing me away from my one true love here, Maryam!” he declared, before letting out a shrill squeak, stumbling as Karkat facepalmed and thunked his head on the table, Sollux howling opposite him at the sight of the composed boy panicking in Porrim’s clutches.  
“Your one true love is hiding behind his mocha, so you get your ass back to the till.” Porrim twisted the ear in her grip, and led Dave back to the counter, leaving a red-faced Karkat and a hysterical Sollux in her wake.  
“So? What’s he like?” Karkat asked once the hacker had calmed down, and watched in surprise as Sollux’s expression went gooey.  
“He’th….a douche, and he hath thith pretenthiouth way of bruthhing down hith clotheth…And he loveth fithh, like, he hath thethe fith at home, all called thhit like Napoleon or Aleckthander the Great, and he jutht cooth at them and callth them hith babieth…And he hath thith way of looking tho happy thometimeth, I thwear, and he’th thecretely into D & D, and if you thuggetht playing, hith eyeth fucking thine, I thwear…”  
“Shit, you’ve really fallen for this guy….Wait. Napoleon the fish?” he asked slowly, and Sollux nodded.  
“He wouldn’t happen to be called Eridan? As in, Kanaya’s flatmate?” he asked, and Sollux’s eyes went wide.  
“You mean ED’th the flatmate thhe adoreth and goeth on about being a brat?” he asked, suddenly fearful, and Karkat groaned aloud, thunking his head on the table again.  
“Nice knowing you, you preposterous asshole. She’s going to murder you.”


End file.
